"Mad" at myself.

My error was to give
My error was to show you how much I could have loved you.
My error was my impetus and intensity.
My error is the cause of the fail.
The cause of many fails...

When I have sworn not to give, not to show, not to love,  because the moment I do, everything crumbles, I  try to open up once again, and once more I am greeted with rejection.

I  seem to be addicted to the feelings of both, happiness and disgraced,  because I keep changing paths, but somehow end  up tripping with the same stone.

Me before You.

    There are days when sadness overcomes my heart, and to try to divert it, I think about you. But then the thought hunts me, and the happiness you once created, becomes sadness.   I can't deal with this madness...

    Those days your dissapearing seems like a punishment bestowed upon me.
 Other thoughts invade me, they provoke me panic, and jealousy, and end up breaking me. I could even say, you break my heart without knowing.

   Woe it's me and my heart, to which my counciousness yells that I am not even an option, and points out my flaws.
  So I seems to me I am condemned to  forever be, that person who longed for a love that will never be. 

Mammillaria Zeilmanniana

   
     So rare, and beautiful, intangible.
Pure and innocent looking, but with a deep temperament.
Touching is a sin that you pay at a high cost
The pain is deep and the scars last long.

Touch it if you will, a dare, a challenge.
Your blood will be consumed and stay in its rooths.
Touch it with your eyes, and you will comprehend
The rarity of its pure beauty.

Mammillaria Zeilmanniana

Picture from google.Fine print: Valentino Vallicelli

Like the silk

 The coldness that passes through my fingers, 

like the silk, that caresses the skin. 

It's your gaze of multiple complexion 

that burns and cools me deep.

The casting of your shadow
that I never cease to seek;

The torture.
 My torment, 

The love I'll never give.

A cold heart  that desires to be loved
The irony of the Century,
When finds out that love for it is forbidden.

The coldness that passes through my fingers,
 if anyone could see,
 the beauty of this "suffering"
 that is within me.

Your goddess

 My unconscious tells me
To prepare for a heart ache.
You are reaching the clouds
And then you will seduce the goddess.

I will see how she falls into your arms
And you do the impossible not to let her go.
While jealousy invades my heart,
And pain once again consumes me.

I'll be all full with pain, to be dismissed I the
Worst gentle possible way.
To be ignored and to hear you say
I can't hang out today.
Must worship my goddess.

I will learn how to stand,
Being secluded and invited to hang out,
With you, and your goddess.
I will learn to like her.
But I'll burn to the site of you giving her all
Your attention, and the love I could never get,
And I'll burn until I am re born again
And see why she is what you deserve.

Tick Tock.

Time passes and I hear the ticking
of the clock on the wall.
You by my side, calm and  happy
Me, by your side distracted by the sound.

The sound that, it's keeping me awake right now
The sound that interrupted while we hang out
The sound that, bother me so much, because
I haven't heard it in months.  Why now?

I want to wrap myself on your arms
 and cup your face on my hands
But the sound it's stronger now and I  can't
Do anything but to try to ignore it.

While doing this, I remember the past
The hours spend with you that I'll never get back
Much investment I have.
So little gotten back.
Must not feel guilty of that,
Because it's what I wanted.

I heard you once say that, you give
When I want, but not necessarily will happen
You sounded so sure of that, a small wound
Was made in my heart.

Maybe this is an obsession?
But now I restrain from our indiscretion
Because every time that I want to show you
How I feel, if your hand doesn't push me
Your speech will.

Dismissed

  I wonder if you will ever ask

What had changed? Why so sudden?

But, why would you  ask?

When it's clear you don't want this.

I run my hand on your hair.

And you take my wrist and place 

My hand away.

You do want love, but you rather find it 

In someone else.

A hard catch, a "worthy" prey

And then you complain 

That no one is willing to stay.

I continue, stupidly trying

Why am I doing  this? 

I  have ask myself  a few times

Strangely enough,  I don't feel like 

You have wasted my time.

Since  I have invest so much, to have your trust

For you that is all,

For me it's not enough .

I cup your face in my hands

I wrap myself in your arms

I have kiss you tenderly, and

I have kiss you with passion.

We have let our bodies enjoy a possible IF

None of that you want.

Or at least, not from me.

I know you can't love me.

I know you never will, so,

excuse me for making you feel

wanted, some day it will go away.

So, why woud you ask?

It's not a surprise

Where did my attentions go?

When you didn't want it.