Feelings are over rated. (Derp)

Feelings are over rated.
a rush of diverse emotions invade my mind

and play with it, like little demons

laughing at my state of vulnerability and terror

they go up and down

they twist and release

they hove on me and then lift me up in the sky

to later see me fall. 

and just when Im about to crash on the grownd

they save me, and lift me up again.

because they know that need to die

that I have to crash and break to stop feeling.

Love and Selfishness are there, one excuses the other,

Jealousy they have given birth to and that is the one who

controls them both. like a mischiveous child when has learn to

behaive this way or the other to get what it wants

so I hate them.
and they love me.

Alas! if only I could hate you as I hate this feelings

if only you could love me as this feelings love me...

how to evisarate them from myself?

how to disappoint myself from you? when there is

no one to compare you with, and the samplings

I have take are just not good enough. 

so again we embrace the so far eternal cruzade

of you looking for the right one.  

and me, here, waiting for you to realized that

the right one is me.

May 30, 2011

u = me

I am Crying.
for something I should not care... but I do. and it sucks more that I intended to be. 
I am crying
for something I should not... but I cant help it. 
I am crying
remembering something that had also happened to me.


April 15,2011

fb comment and TRUST ME

"you have no idea what happened and how does it makes me feel... the only thing I know I can do without screwing anyone is to sit in the dark and think about it while staring at the emptiness of my mind; to later find out that without realizing it, I was crying. so then I am mad at myself, but the rage is no bigger than the sadness..."
fb, April 16,2011
-----------------------


TRUST ME
April 16, 2011


trust me, I cannot be trusted.
I want to know about you, I want you to tell me your story,
 your deepest feelings, your sadness and your joy.
but I cannot be trusted. I will take it and transform it into something else.
not a rumor, but a story for the world. 
I will never reveal  who you are or your name, but they will know...
So you will see it, your eyes will be burned as they go by letter by letter,
 your soul will be aching, your rage will increase
your hate will be on the way and you will let me know about this.
shot me with words, shot me with pain. yet so delicately you kill me.
but die it is not what I want, because the pain you make me feel is what gets me going...
alas!  when I'm sad you are happy, when I'm happy you are numb, when I'm numb, you don't care.
alas! when you are sad, I am sad too.  
and keep on like this, I cannot bear.

One Year and Seven Days

sorry, post cannot be shown, it has being taken down by blogger

Your Spell

Such a terrible thing the way I feel without you.

you, the light that used to bring me happiness

you, the one I have ever wanted

you, who I once consider unreachable... 

touching you was a dream.

lonely I am because you aren't here.

lonely because I don't have you

lonely because I can never ever have you again.

lonely because I know I can never ever again 

find someone that can take my breath away like you did.

and my pain is stronger than me

overtakes all my beign...

your lips I crave, and so I crave the warmth

from your body, and to rest in your arms.

to carress you, and lose myself into your eyes

you should know how much I love you.

even when you burped I loved.

deep inside, the only thing I wanted was to be yours

your magic was strong, it took me to heaven

and back,  and it has also sinked me in the fire 

of pain.  break it, break the spell you put on me

so I can live without you, so I can love, so I can

burry my feelings for you and move on.

------------------------------------------------- SPC

Ugly

 I walk in the shadows of depression
like a phoenix I need to resurect.
so I find my oun diversion to lift up my spirits
it doesn't matter anyways
you are not here.

I look into peoples faces, not to find you
but to forget you.
I look into their faces whit the hope to find
the one who will conquer my heart.
none of them seem good enough.

they are not good enough.

what to do? where to go? who to find?
but the only one I think about its you.
and you are not here.

you are there.  with her
and I am jealous.
her beauty overtrows many.
her skin, looks so white and softh
her eyes are beautiful and big
even I can't look away from them.
her smile its stunning as well
it takes my rage away, but it replaces it
with something else.

so the mirror hates me more than ever
what I see I don't like.
what I try to change, doesn't change
what I try to enhance, doesn't help.
ugly I feel, Ugly.
Ugly I must be.  even if I look my best,
compared to her I still ugly.
ugly outside, ugly inside.

because I should not be jealous,
because I should not have this unconfortable
feeling on my chest.
because I should be happy for you
because I should not be wanting to be her...
--------------------------
SPC / Winter Wolf

You were all that I ever wanted.

Does hiding the truth is like a lie?

does it means that hiding my feelings could mean that I am hiding from the world?

hiding from the truth? hiding from you?

I was hiding from you, I admit it.  inside I feel I need to keep hiding,

inside I feel I have to scream, let it all out loud, but there are consequences

and my personal consequence is not what worries me anymore.

your happiness I will be disturbing just because I need to move on.

and I'm a fool, an Idiot, I am brainless, because just like you I also fall too fast

and believe in ever and forever. 

Just like you I'm a dreamer, just like you I let my mind wander

in the deepest of the worst and the better of the best. 

just like you I wonder in unknown worlds, like the one you showed me

when I least expected. and you took me deeper in it, making me forget

about the rest, about reality; because with you all my problems went away

the storms of my life came to an end with you. I was living something I only dreamed about

and it took me a while to believe that something so abstract, so intangible could be this real.

Forgive me, since I never told you that You were all  I ever wanted.

You were good to me as well, you healed me from years or disappointment 

you took me away from tornadoes and ferocious lions,
the closest I have feel loved and safe in your arms,

there are so many things I still need to say...

So I'll move forward,

to my own pace,

but you always will have a special place in my heart. 

Kill Me

No Matter how much I try, my mind always goes back to you.

I need someone to shot it down, someone to shoot my brains out,

someone who will gave me peace and help me forget

no I don't need love; if it's not yours.

World leave me to rot in my solitude,

buried alive I want to be, healing my pain from this misery.

From Girl to Girl

You are so Beautiful, the prettiest woman I know, it is true.

the first time I saw you I also fell for you, but please, do not take this wrong, your beauty enchanted me that is all.

you know, once I was almost on your place, besides him, but that wasn't never going to happen because he found someone else, and then he found you. I used to dream about having something close to what you and him had together, the most beautiful couple ever. who will ever imagine that you will break his heart. I have to confess that I predicted that, and also your current present, which at the time was the future. I predicted you will get with someone else, someone that I was with before, someone who you have no idea how much he is worth.

someone I love, someone I admire, someone who without knowing it still traces a simile across my face, someone who even if he gets to know it will like it, but will not care because now he has you. So he will try to keep me away fearing that I may do something to harm the two of you.

what a silly fear. I will not. yet the idea has cross my mind a couple of times, but it is not worthed my time to destroy something that will make him so happy.

Something that will amused him so much; because I hope you show him a new world.

Do you see how much I still care after more than 6 months? because I still love him as the very first day he kissed me. as the very first time I discover he was nothing like what I have seen before. do you see how much he meant for me?

and now our relation is breve, we don't talk much, we don't hang out, and I bet if you check his cell phone he may not even have my number. I know he hided me, he even tried to make me dissapear twice. but I beg him to please let me stay around.

something that you need to know is that he belongs to the world of feelings and thoughts. and once you enter that world you will know how special he is.

I fear you destroy his heart. I fear that you hurt him. I fear that you hurt him so much he will never love again, or at least he will not love again in a long long time. I fear you betray him, I fear you do to him what you did to ...

...

but you are so beautiful... and sweet, sensuality is written all over you. I could never compete with that. ever. he could consider forgiveness if you ever do him wrong; because his heart is so big, and so full of life and love.

how I wish he will love me again... but that is not going to happen. I know.

so treat him right,be good to him, be better than I was, and he will give you a totally different world.

I still loving you

How much do I know you?

I know you enough, if only you knew me well.

If you knew how much I still love you.

how much I care about you

and how much I miss you.

I miss Us.

there are big changes coming in your life

I can sense it.

it is just like I predicted you and her.

again it is my time to keep back and watch

a beautiful play of happiness entertaining the audience

and making me cry.

What I found is not good enough

I see the imperfections too imperfect.

they are not like yours.

your imperfections are perfect to me

S.P.Wolf

Sept 12, 2010.

The Battle

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Some are the kids whom were always chosen at the end... I was not even chose, so I always end it up doing things on my oun. Since very early in life, I needed to show the world I was capable of surviving hostility with no help. I though I was ready; Until a new battle was presented to me, I realized I was not prepared, I don't have the weapons to fight against the battle of love.

I need a Friend

Saturday, October 3, 2009

I Need a Friend

Living in a Planet of my oun, where I'm the only form of life and my satelite can't talk. {I feel SO Lifeless}

For you my heart, for you my love, for you my sweet death.
dancing in the dark I can see you visiting my grave
some day I should return, but for now I must dissapear...
how can I dissapear from you? when be near you is my fatal desire?
I tryed, and I have not succeed...

I confessed to you in a simple way
but again, as many nigths before I received not answer
why can't you see, that writting is the only way I can put out my words?
because saying that with a loud voice I might not be able to.

I am a coward

so, when I said, you are the one I can turn to.
I mean it, I expect an answer, I want your support
as little as it can be; because the conection we have is like no other
good, bad, you name it.

SILENCE is the only thing I hear from you
how frustrating it is for me.
It kills me to know that you have deny me the sound of your voice

I am not asking for you love
I am not asking for your heart
I am not asking for your blood
and I am not asking for your life

I am asking for peace
I am asking for happiness
I am asking for your friendship

When in Sorrow

Every living thing must go through pain in order to heal, no matter how long it takes
I should stop lamenting about my lost,
since with every defeat there is always something gain
the trophy of wisdom, the treasure of the past
that will be perserved in my heart for future reference;
and today you are my companion;
instead of consoling me, you laugh and seem full of joy
for the tears in my heart.
I want to deny it.
I want to cut your roots and leave you behind
so you can die, and then I will be the one pointing and laughing...
I am talking about the pain I feel inside, the pain once you felt
when love said no.

Soon I will find again happiness, leaving you in the past
a sad memory, and you will beg to come back to me
I will feed you, I will take care of you, I will stay with you
and you know it, and yet you fear my departure...
so soon, you'll say.
I will be back, and you know it.
then I'll wait for you.
that is the old promise we make to each other
every time I heal, every time I go.

Grudge

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I remember when everything was all right
before this started again, and my heart sank in pain
my grudge is chasing, hunting, killing, tearing apart
help me get rid of it.

my grudge is small, but powerful
my grudge loves me more than you do
my grudge promises me that will never leave me alone
and that when you are gone, he will be there for me, reminding me
of the pain I should feel, because that is his demand
I have tried to like it
I have tried to live with it
I have tried to get rid of it
but it always comes back as a bumerang
he has not tell me his name yet, but I know it has one.

I call and call trying to reach for help!
my days are running slow without you and hours transform
into ages, Im loosing my mind and when there is not answer
Im lost, I cry when it rains because my tears mix with water and fools the world.
and yet, I have hope, I have hope that my grudge will set me free
that you finally understand that love its not something you ignore
that you run away from, that you hide, that you deny, that bores you

and I keep on calling, but there is not answer.

Song/ Poem W/E

Song/ Poem W/E

___________________________

I will never be as beautiful as the girls you like

I will never have a breath taking body

I will never be an unreachable for you

but you now are unreachable for me.

woe is me, I miss your scent and the taste of your lips

and all the love I have for you

will have to die.

a sacrifice I have to make

a sacrifice for my own sake

I can take no more this misery,

my love for you its a mystery

I wish I could say you may never find

someone like me. what a terrible lie

I don't want to believe....

someone better you have to search

I wish it could be me again.