My Awful Creature

{This poem also belongs to my 2009 collection, nevertheless I don't have the accurate date of its creation}


...And now the days passed by,
and we aren't able to have a decent conversation anymore
what happend? I don't know...I DO KnowI know
and I do not know at the same time....
my heart is bleeding...
its a pain I can't resist and its pleasure I cannot miss
Im bleeding inside out.

with a knife you take my life and smiling quietly you watched me bleed...
the only thing I can think about is that I miss you so much is ridiculous
and all my imperfections have been collected
and now you throw them in my face
your tounge you use as the sharpest dagger cutting through my veins
cutting through my life cutting though my love...
Yet, you always find the words to say
and made it all right.
but stupidly I fool myself wating for your disgrace
that every time is going farder from my hopes...
my revenge will not take place aas sooner I imagined
and its destroying me.
can you see now the awful creature I am?
wanting to destroy you as much you did once
can you forgive me from what I have become?
can I ever forget, and go back to my state of mind?
I don't want to be this creature
who is condemned to walk in the eternal darknest
and I don't know how I should control it...
dealing with it is such a pain that I cannot describe
I want to take it out of my heart my body my mind.

Your pain is also mine

April 5, 2009

You said you cannot survive, but here I am
dead already because of you.
I’m waiting in a hole full of darkness,
And I look up only to find you at the very edge,
Looking down, afraid of falling.

Would I see you falling?
Would you come here into this hole?
Would you go into a new one?
Falling even more deeply of what I fell?
Would you ever try to go back again?
Perhaps if we are in the same hole,
We can help each other to go back to the surface

Even if we don’t help each other…
Would there be another one to help us out of our angst?
So far, I look around and there is no one.
So far I am accompanied by loneliness’…

So what if you might fall?
You would be next to me
You will be there with me
Feel the same pain I am feeling
You will see how it is to be me

Would you ever reject your decision?
Would you ever reject not to get to know my heart?
Now, that you are falling… do you ask yourself these questions?
Because I gave you my heart, only to know that you would be returning it all broken.
Because I gave you my heart on the same way you gave yours to her…
but you count see it
Now, your heart is also broken and I cry for you

I cry on a situation when I shouldn’t have been crying…
And I act with compassion were I was supposed to show hate.
What kind of person am I?
Do am I stupid? or just too naive?
Because I don’t know what am doing anymore…

My Beautiful Killer

1:58 am
3/22/09

Anytime I see you, my heart stops...
and anytime I feel you, you are always warm and I am always cold
your touch is my favorite poison
the air you exale is what I breathe
you are the killer that was sent to me.

Here you come in front of me
take out your sharpest gun and grip it towards me
don't be scared... sweetheart that is why you are here.
you are my beautyful killer this pain is sweet...
I don't know if feel apathy or emphaty towards you...
I just know that my heart will stop beating with the deathly venom from your lips...

light from darkness, I can not tell them apart
what it is, now it was...
what would be, would never be.

now you close your eyes and whishper to my ear...
-" I am sorry for all this"-
It is fine, my beautyful killer...
don't feel sorry for the living dead,
because now no one can kill me
because now, I have to find other ways to live.