You were all that I ever wanted.

Does hiding the truth is like a lie?

does it means that hiding my feelings could mean that I am hiding from the world?

hiding from the truth? hiding from you?

I was hiding from you, I admit it.  inside I feel I need to keep hiding,

inside I feel I have to scream, let it all out loud, but there are consequences

and my personal consequence is not what worries me anymore.

your happiness I will be disturbing just because I need to move on.

and I'm a fool, an Idiot, I am brainless, because just like you I also fall too fast

and believe in ever and forever. 

Just like you I'm a dreamer, just like you I let my mind wander

in the deepest of the worst and the better of the best. 

just like you I wonder in unknown worlds, like the one you showed me

when I least expected. and you took me deeper in it, making me forget

about the rest, about reality; because with you all my problems went away

the storms of my life came to an end with you. I was living something I only dreamed about

and it took me a while to believe that something so abstract, so intangible could be this real.

Forgive me, since I never told you that You were all  I ever wanted.

You were good to me as well, you healed me from years or disappointment 

you took me away from tornadoes and ferocious lions,
the closest I have feel loved and safe in your arms,

there are so many things I still need to say...

So I'll move forward,

to my own pace,

but you always will have a special place in my heart. 

Kill Me

No Matter how much I try, my mind always goes back to you.

I need someone to shot it down, someone to shoot my brains out,

someone who will gave me peace and help me forget

no I don't need love; if it's not yours.

World leave me to rot in my solitude,

buried alive I want to be, healing my pain from this misery.

From Girl to Girl

You are so Beautiful, the prettiest woman I know, it is true.

the first time I saw you I also fell for you, but please, do not take this wrong, your beauty enchanted me that is all.

you know, once I was almost on your place, besides him, but that wasn't never going to happen because he found someone else, and then he found you. I used to dream about having something close to what you and him had together, the most beautiful couple ever. who will ever imagine that you will break his heart. I have to confess that I predicted that, and also your current present, which at the time was the future. I predicted you will get with someone else, someone that I was with before, someone who you have no idea how much he is worth.

someone I love, someone I admire, someone who without knowing it still traces a simile across my face, someone who even if he gets to know it will like it, but will not care because now he has you. So he will try to keep me away fearing that I may do something to harm the two of you.

what a silly fear. I will not. yet the idea has cross my mind a couple of times, but it is not worthed my time to destroy something that will make him so happy.

Something that will amused him so much; because I hope you show him a new world.

Do you see how much I still care after more than 6 months? because I still love him as the very first day he kissed me. as the very first time I discover he was nothing like what I have seen before. do you see how much he meant for me?

and now our relation is breve, we don't talk much, we don't hang out, and I bet if you check his cell phone he may not even have my number. I know he hided me, he even tried to make me dissapear twice. but I beg him to please let me stay around.

something that you need to know is that he belongs to the world of feelings and thoughts. and once you enter that world you will know how special he is.

I fear you destroy his heart. I fear that you hurt him. I fear that you hurt him so much he will never love again, or at least he will not love again in a long long time. I fear you betray him, I fear you do to him what you did to ...

...

but you are so beautiful... and sweet, sensuality is written all over you. I could never compete with that. ever. he could consider forgiveness if you ever do him wrong; because his heart is so big, and so full of life and love.

how I wish he will love me again... but that is not going to happen. I know.

so treat him right,be good to him, be better than I was, and he will give you a totally different world.

I still loving you

How much do I know you?

I know you enough, if only you knew me well.

If you knew how much I still love you.

how much I care about you

and how much I miss you.

I miss Us.

there are big changes coming in your life

I can sense it.

it is just like I predicted you and her.

again it is my time to keep back and watch

a beautiful play of happiness entertaining the audience

and making me cry.

What I found is not good enough

I see the imperfections too imperfect.

they are not like yours.

your imperfections are perfect to me

S.P.Wolf

Sept 12, 2010.

The Battle

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Some are the kids whom were always chosen at the end... I was not even chose, so I always end it up doing things on my oun. Since very early in life, I needed to show the world I was capable of surviving hostility with no help. I though I was ready; Until a new battle was presented to me, I realized I was not prepared, I don't have the weapons to fight against the battle of love.

I need a Friend

Saturday, October 3, 2009

I Need a Friend

Living in a Planet of my oun, where I'm the only form of life and my satelite can't talk. {I feel SO Lifeless}

For you my heart, for you my love, for you my sweet death.
dancing in the dark I can see you visiting my grave
some day I should return, but for now I must dissapear...
how can I dissapear from you? when be near you is my fatal desire?
I tryed, and I have not succeed...

I confessed to you in a simple way
but again, as many nigths before I received not answer
why can't you see, that writting is the only way I can put out my words?
because saying that with a loud voice I might not be able to.

I am a coward

so, when I said, you are the one I can turn to.
I mean it, I expect an answer, I want your support
as little as it can be; because the conection we have is like no other
good, bad, you name it.

SILENCE is the only thing I hear from you
how frustrating it is for me.
It kills me to know that you have deny me the sound of your voice

I am not asking for you love
I am not asking for your heart
I am not asking for your blood
and I am not asking for your life

I am asking for peace
I am asking for happiness
I am asking for your friendship

When in Sorrow

Every living thing must go through pain in order to heal, no matter how long it takes
I should stop lamenting about my lost,
since with every defeat there is always something gain
the trophy of wisdom, the treasure of the past
that will be perserved in my heart for future reference;
and today you are my companion;
instead of consoling me, you laugh and seem full of joy
for the tears in my heart.
I want to deny it.
I want to cut your roots and leave you behind
so you can die, and then I will be the one pointing and laughing...
I am talking about the pain I feel inside, the pain once you felt
when love said no.

Soon I will find again happiness, leaving you in the past
a sad memory, and you will beg to come back to me
I will feed you, I will take care of you, I will stay with you
and you know it, and yet you fear my departure...
so soon, you'll say.
I will be back, and you know it.
then I'll wait for you.
that is the old promise we make to each other
every time I heal, every time I go.

could not resist

I entered the room, the lights were off and only I could manage to walk around touching w/ my hands, I felt it in front of me, I placed my hands to touch, and I wasn't expecting the stikiness, I liked it so I ran my finger on it, I could not resist the smell, and I licked the mousse of my finger. the taste was so rich, I never imagined it would be so good, so I open my mounth and put it inside, I moan, I swallowed, and bite hard into it! the lights turn on! and my friend saw me doing it, but it wasn't my fault. I really wanted to... and I wasn't counting for him to discover me, my friend looked at me w/ dissaproval, but I offered him a pice of that delicious chocolate cake to him, and he smiled. =)!

Hesitant & Insecure

Hesitant & Insecure
Dec. 23,09


Tell me you are not letting me go just yet,

tell me that you are not tired of every romantic thing I say,

let me know that every caress I give you its ok

because the past is hunting me

and my fears transform into tears.

Tell me you are not going to be the same

because I need you, and I have being waiting for so long...

and because I'm been hurt, and need back my faith

I will love you to death if I could

and the end of the world will not matter, since my love will survive,

but my heart in pieces wants someone to put it back together.

Someone that demosntrates me love and lets me know that I can trusth again,

someone that will be my bridge over the turbulent water

someone that will heal the wounds caused by ferocious lions.

I hesitate on opening my heart so don't just tell me you are going to be there, act

Grudge

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I remember when everything was all right
before this started again, and my heart sank in pain
my grudge is chasing, hunting, killing, tearing apart
help me get rid of it.

my grudge is small, but powerful
my grudge loves me more than you do
my grudge promises me that will never leave me alone
and that when you are gone, he will be there for me, reminding me
of the pain I should feel, because that is his demand
I have tried to like it
I have tried to live with it
I have tried to get rid of it
but it always comes back as a bumerang
he has not tell me his name yet, but I know it has one.

I call and call trying to reach for help!
my days are running slow without you and hours transform
into ages, Im loosing my mind and when there is not answer
Im lost, I cry when it rains because my tears mix with water and fools the world.
and yet, I have hope, I have hope that my grudge will set me free
that you finally understand that love its not something you ignore
that you run away from, that you hide, that you deny, that bores you

and I keep on calling, but there is not answer.

The Picture on the Wall

Wed. Nov 11, 2009

Im over, I see the picture once made me faint,
I see the face once made my heart beat fast,
faster, hyperactive beating, that one that made me feel a Jump inside
and made me alert to my surroundings.
the one I was thinking of no stop
the one I learn to distunguish his voice in a room full of noise
the one that kill me with a kiss, and rescued me with another one
the one I wanted for my own; for him my feelings are gone.

so burry me, burry me cause nothing is left, just the memory that I might carry till the end
would you believe me if I lie? no, yes, maybe.
who cares about the answer, if at the end what it counts is how convincing I was.
I see the picture, and my heart beat does not stop, does not change, does not jump
I am not dead, I am not more in a coma
but I don't know where I am.

I see new faces that I like, but my feelings seem to disagree
I see old faces, I see his face.
I see my face, I see people with no face
where to look? if the world is full of shadows
where to hide when no one is seeking you?
I just listen.

I still caring for the picture on the wall, but there is no much I could do
if some day the picture falls.

Much Better

Much Better

Dec 26, 2009



Honestly I feel so much better since you came into my life

it took too long to find you

It took too long for you to find me

maybe it was not that long, but it seems like it

since my hopes in finding love were gone.

scary is to lose you,

but I will let you go if I have to.

I rather not think about it.

I need you as you can't imagine

I love you stonger than I thought I ever could.



Sleep by your side is somenthng I want.

I dream about you every nigth, and every day

because even when I am awake my mind takes me back to you

my heart has finally peace of mind,

so fondle me, and kiss me all you want, I can never get enough

because you are the one I dreamed, you are the one I have been waiting for

let me heal your heart, that like mine was destroyed

let me care for your wounds, throw away your fears, and calm those tears

that disturbed your nights.



SPC

Song/ Poem W/E

Song/ Poem W/E

___________________________

I will never be as beautiful as the girls you like

I will never have a breath taking body

I will never be an unreachable for you

but you now are unreachable for me.

woe is me, I miss your scent and the taste of your lips

and all the love I have for you

will have to die.

a sacrifice I have to make

a sacrifice for my own sake

I can take no more this misery,

my love for you its a mystery

I wish I could say you may never find

someone like me. what a terrible lie

I don't want to believe....

someone better you have to search

I wish it could be me again.

How College Grades Work: (by S.P. Wolf)
A+ = A total geek!
A= Awsome you Pass!
B= Better than a C
C= Could been better or Congrats you didn't fail!
D= Duuuude, you almost fail!
F= Fucked.

Cold

So lonely I feel, so lonely I've become
without you I can't be
without you I am myself no more
I wonder what will you think
when you discover the truth
that one it is me
thinking of you
because your lips I miss
oh... how much I desire from you received a kiss again...
because I miss how safe I was in your arms.
how your voice and your caresses made me
so happy, so calm, you tamed the beast inside of me
and now we both are dying without your love.
I'm begging you, because I need you
do not be so cold
remember all our love
because the best days I had, I had them with you.
here is a secret I can share, and I hope you know it.
all those places we went have from me and you a story
I can't never replaced
so happy you made me, that I cannot visit them again
it will remind me of my former happyness and it will
make me feel depressed because you are not there.
forming new memories will not be the same.
the places will lost the meaning once you gave them


SPWolf

July 24, 2010

Rain never hurt anyone

The rain was heavy, all soaked from head to toe we ran seeking cover, but then I stop to a single thought.
rain never hurt anyone. huh?- you said. -I said, rain never hurt anyone.- well yes but... - nothing came to your mind, for the very first time you had nothing to say, no refutation, and I was amazed. -yes it is true, rain never hurt anyone, so we better just walk. - you took my hand and we walked, others ran trying to escape the cold water that attacked as if were millions of thousands of bees stinging their fragile skin, thunders roared with anger, and lightning illuminated the gray sky. Suddenly the street was empty, just us strolling, holding hands, soaked. - I love you- I said. - and I love you too- you said, so tenderly you kissed me. We were meant to be together, I just knew it. unfortunately I never had the guts to tell you. that is what hurts me the most. so today I am back here, in the same street we were, under a rain similar to the one that was falling that day holding your favorite flowers. I am here to tell you that I need you, that this should not have to be this way, it should not, it should not. so I will stay here, and I will keep on coming back until lightning strikes again in the same place we were, the exact spot you were standing. because we are meant to be together, I guess I was wrong when I said that rain never hurt anyone

5 Months Later

I never thought I would see that again, but there it was, and I couldn't believe it.

my heart raced, my eyes slowly traced his words: Is it you on formspring? My heart yelled YES, it is! and I am doing it because I still love you, because I need you, because I want you back.

but I could not say it. I couldn't, instead I just typed a more formal Hello, since he didn't greet me. "hey" he answer back and added: "are you the one messaging me on formspring?"

again I wanted to tell him my feelings, but I said something else.

I was too nervous, it took me some seconds to think on what to say, and typing it was even worst, my hands were trembling, I fought against them to guide them to the right keys and press them.

"yes, too bad you find out quickly, I was having fun"

"Well, might as well keep at it

they're nice"

"hahaha, thanks" *bows*

"I have my hunches

anyway time for dinner

later"

" ^^! Bon appettite"

my heart was still pumping faster, too fast for me being sitting down. my shaking hands troubled to tell my friend I could not chat to her any longer.

I wished I had the guts to tell him how I feel about him.

The Things you do for love

~The things you do for Love~

Ahh, the things you do for love...you jump up and down just to call her attentionyou call constantly just to hear her voiceyou log in, log out and then long in again
you look thought her pictures and the more you look
the more you convince yourself of her beauty
a beauty you never imagineda beauty that you admire, and desire

ahh the things you do for loveyou break hearts, you dissapoint peoplebecause your world is her, and nothing else mattersyou dream about her, eat, breath, live for herand even in your lonely nights and days you find pleasurethinking all those things you want to do to her.because you want to love her, as no one else has, as no one else can
her perfume is on your bed, and her scent makes you feel in heaven.what a pleasure, what an unbelivable moment.ahh, the things you do for love;you steal, you lie, you tell the truthyou reinvent yourself just to impress heryou become polite, you are her knightyou hug her to feel her closer andevery kiss is passionate.

you are lost in her eyes and yet you are not scared if you don't find your path again
Stay, you said, stay with me always, stay all night, all day.
Now, you take her places that are uknown to herto mesmerize her eyes, and her amusement and wonder makes you happy.
She loves you, she loves you so much, she can never imagine her life without youshe loves you so much than even if you don't say it she still will know you love her as well. she loves you deeply; so deep she wants to give herself to you and finally you take her.

yours is my love, my soul, my passion, my bodyand if I could give you my life, I would.
she is yours, and you are hers.the world can end now;
because you have each other.she cares, she loves,
she becomes a burdenyou cannot stand her pressence anymore.

ahh the things you do for love, those are crazy things.
things that are lost when feelings are not the same so you jump, you scream, you die and live again, you do everything you can just to make her love you.
but her heart is now closed, her love belongs to someone else a shadow that follows her every step.
would you keep your hopes up?would you give up? and move on?would you do all of those things you do for love?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
July 19-2010

Royal Academy

I am still struggling to close my suitcase because I have forgotten to pack my school supplies; it is so typical of me to leave it all to the last minute. My mother is downstairs, yelling at me to hurry up. She does this every time I am late for something. Finally it occurred to me to sit on top of the big brown suitcase to close it. “I’m done Mom!” I yell back so she can calm down a little.
She drives me to the airport as fast as she can. I can sense the tension in her shoulders, the way she is holding on to the car’s wheel looks as if she is about to break it. Her sight is on the road the entire time, and not once do I see her blink. “Are you okay mom?” I ask. “Yes, yes, I am fine. Did you pack everything?” she asks “Of course!” I reply. Soon, we are at the airport looking for the departure gate. I hold my ticket with my right hand, and a small suitcase with the left one. “Take care, kiddo,” Mother says. I am so into my thoughts that I don’t notice we have approached the departure gates, with the big blue number nine on it. “Good bye ma” I say, and hurry to the gates before I see her crying.

The flight is only 45 minutes. It takes me a while to figure out that most of the passengers are close to my age, and are alone. None of them us are traveling with an adult in charge. Some are listening to their iPods, others are throwing pieces of paper to their neighbors, a few are playing videogames, and the rest are just using their computers. “Where are you going?” I ask the girl next to me. She has big brown eyes and curly blond hair. When she opens her mouth to answer I can smell her peppermint breath. I don’t like her voice. It is too high pitched and it pierces my eardrums in a painful way. “I am going to Royal Academy, just like every single person on this flight.” She then turns her head to the window and doesn’t speak anymore.
I am happy when the plain arrives at the airport; several buses are waiting for the students, and soon I am outside the institution. This school looked normal on the outside. It is not quite as I imagined but then again I have read so many fictional books that my imagination has gone wild. I have to admit I am a little disappointed. I was expecting a castle, like those in England, or something similar to it. Some man wearing a black cloak comes out of the school and arranges us into groups. I am part of the first group to enter the building. Inside, the walls and the ceiling have a splendid neo gothic structure. Arches and round windows dominate the corridors, followed by double helix stairs made of stone. Nevertheless, it is not just the structure of the school that makes it so different from any other. Only those students with powers could attend, and being out of the ordinary was the key to become part of this prestigious institution. The man with the cloak then asks each student what powers they have. Those who are unsure give background information. I knew what I was, but I never thought I would meet others like me, or others different from me. The man with the black cloak then turns to ask me the question: “Please, say your name and your breed.” His eyes like two flames that illuminate the shadow of his face. “My name is Adam, my mother is human and my father was a vampire, I am a Damphire,” I reply. Some kids start laughing; I saw a few with rage in their eyes. Those whom were near me became scared. I even hear some gasps. “Well, we don’t get many of your kind so often, you will be placed in the vampires’ hall, welcome aboard!” the man shouts, moving away from me. Some kids walk to a corner in order to put some distance between us. Humans think that Royal Academy is a regular school because it looks normal on the outside, but in the inside it is full of mystic creatures.


I have two versions of this story, i don't know what I did with the other one, which was better. :(

My Awful Creature

{This poem also belongs to my 2009 collection, nevertheless I don't have the accurate date of its creation}


...And now the days passed by,
and we aren't able to have a decent conversation anymore
what happend? I don't know...I DO KnowI know
and I do not know at the same time....
my heart is bleeding...
its a pain I can't resist and its pleasure I cannot miss
Im bleeding inside out.

with a knife you take my life and smiling quietly you watched me bleed...
the only thing I can think about is that I miss you so much is ridiculous
and all my imperfections have been collected
and now you throw them in my face
your tounge you use as the sharpest dagger cutting through my veins
cutting through my life cutting though my love...
Yet, you always find the words to say
and made it all right.
but stupidly I fool myself wating for your disgrace
that every time is going farder from my hopes...
my revenge will not take place aas sooner I imagined
and its destroying me.
can you see now the awful creature I am?
wanting to destroy you as much you did once
can you forgive me from what I have become?
can I ever forget, and go back to my state of mind?
I don't want to be this creature
who is condemned to walk in the eternal darknest
and I don't know how I should control it...
dealing with it is such a pain that I cannot describe
I want to take it out of my heart my body my mind.

Your pain is also mine

April 5, 2009

You said you cannot survive, but here I am
dead already because of you.
I’m waiting in a hole full of darkness,
And I look up only to find you at the very edge,
Looking down, afraid of falling.

Would I see you falling?
Would you come here into this hole?
Would you go into a new one?
Falling even more deeply of what I fell?
Would you ever try to go back again?
Perhaps if we are in the same hole,
We can help each other to go back to the surface

Even if we don’t help each other…
Would there be another one to help us out of our angst?
So far, I look around and there is no one.
So far I am accompanied by loneliness’…

So what if you might fall?
You would be next to me
You will be there with me
Feel the same pain I am feeling
You will see how it is to be me

Would you ever reject your decision?
Would you ever reject not to get to know my heart?
Now, that you are falling… do you ask yourself these questions?
Because I gave you my heart, only to know that you would be returning it all broken.
Because I gave you my heart on the same way you gave yours to her…
but you count see it
Now, your heart is also broken and I cry for you

I cry on a situation when I shouldn’t have been crying…
And I act with compassion were I was supposed to show hate.
What kind of person am I?
Do am I stupid? or just too naive?
Because I don’t know what am doing anymore…

My Beautiful Killer

1:58 am
3/22/09

Anytime I see you, my heart stops...
and anytime I feel you, you are always warm and I am always cold
your touch is my favorite poison
the air you exale is what I breathe
you are the killer that was sent to me.

Here you come in front of me
take out your sharpest gun and grip it towards me
don't be scared... sweetheart that is why you are here.
you are my beautyful killer this pain is sweet...
I don't know if feel apathy or emphaty towards you...
I just know that my heart will stop beating with the deathly venom from your lips...

light from darkness, I can not tell them apart
what it is, now it was...
what would be, would never be.

now you close your eyes and whishper to my ear...
-" I am sorry for all this"-
It is fine, my beautyful killer...
don't feel sorry for the living dead,
because now no one can kill me
because now, I have to find other ways to live.